What it actually means to be “unapologetically yourself”
The Truth About Self-Expression
It’s probably one of the most regurgitated pieces of adivce out there:
“Just be yourself!”
But how do you actually be yourself (especially unapologetically)?
Well, you can’t be yourself if you don’t know who you actually are in the first place. So it all starts with increasing your self-awareness. And no, this isn't just about knowing your favorite color or how you take your coffee. It goes way beyond mere preferences.
Understanding Self-Awareness: 7 Essential Self-Discovery Questions
By definition, self-awareness is your “ability to perceive and understand the things that make you who you are as an individual, including your personality, actions, values, beliefs, emotions, and thoughts.”
It’s your ability to recognize the areas you excel at, and the areas you don’t.
It’s your ability to understand how people and environments have shaped you.
It’s your ability to discover parts of yourself you forgot about or didn’t even know existed.
And most importantly, it’s your ability to unlearn beliefs, biases, or values that don’t align with who you are (or who you want to be).
Building self-awareness starts as soon as we’re babies. But really honing it throughout adulthood can prove to be a loooonngg process. To save some time, here are some questions you can start with (feel free to reflect on these by journaling!):
What conversations, statements, or situations consistently trigger strong emotional reactions in you? What might those reactions reveal about your core wounds or values?
What stories do you tell yourself about your insecurities, and whose voice is really telling them?
If everyone would support you no matter what, what would you do differently tomorrow?
What parts of yourself do you hide from others, and more importantly – why?
Which of your beliefs come from genuine experience, and which ones have you inherited from others (family, adult figures, media, peer pressure, etc.)?
What patterns do you notice in your relationships (friendships, romance, family) that might reflect unresolved parts of yourself?
In your most peaceful moments, what kind of life do you envision for yourself?
This might be oversimplifying bu if you’ll notice, a big part of self-awareness is just going back to what YOU think. Not what others think. And certainly not what others want you to think (lol)
And just a reminder: answering these 7 questions won’t instantly finish the job (you might not even have the full answers to them yet, and that’s okay). In fact, answering these questions might not make you feel great at all since it involves confronting a lot of the negative aspects of your life. That is normal. It’s just the inner work that needs to be done. Increasing your self-awareness entails spending a lot of intentional time with yourself, but also simply experiencing life in general. So it’s alright if you take time, go at your own pace.
The Importance of Self-Awareness
Going back to the main topic…how does self-awareness allow you to be your true self? Let me paint you a picture:
Maybe you realize you've been pursuing a career in finance because it seemed "sensible," when really, your heart comes alive when you're teaching others. Making the new choice to be yourself might look like starting a small tutoring gig on weekends.
Or perhaps you notice you always shrink yourself in group settings to avoid judgment, when actually, you do have a great sense of humor and interesting perspectives. Being yourself could mean slowly letting those walls down, and letting your voice be heard - one genuine comment at a time.
Now if you’re already able to make your own decisions (like REALLY your own), express yourself freely (through whatever medium you love most), and slowly build a life that is truly yours…I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT FOR YOU!
Breaking Down the "Unapologetic" in Being Yourself
Now let's talk about that “unapologetically” part - because that's where things get real.
Being unapologetically yourself isn't about being loud, dominant, or never caring what others think. It's about being at peace with who you are, even when others aren't. It's about understanding that your authenticity might make some people uncomfortable, confused, angry even…and that's okay.
And if you’re still struggling with the “unapologetic” part, one of these limiting beliefs might be holding you back:
“I need everyone to like me”
Even the juiciest peach isn't everyone's favorite fruit. Your tribe will find you when you're authentic, not when you're auditioning for everyone's approval.
“Being myself might hurt or disappoint others”
You're not responsible for managing other people's expectations of you. Their disappointment is often more about their own projections than your choices.
“I'm too much/not enough”
You're just right for the life you're meant to live. Those who make you feel otherwise are reading from their own limited script.
Practical Steps to Embrace Your Authentic Self
As you work on letting go of these limiting beliefs, there are also self-care practices that can help you stand firm in your authenticity:
Start a “Victory Journal” - document moments when being yourself led to positive outcomes, no matter how small. This helps build evidence against any self-doubts.
Create boundaries with social media. Curate your feed to follow people who inspire rather than make you question yourself.
Find your “authenticity anchors” - these are the people, places, or activities where you naturally feel most yourself. Spend more time there.
Break free from the “comparison trap” - Remember that you're seeing everyone's highlight reel, not their behind-the-scenes. Instead of comparing your Chapter 1 to someone else's Chapter 20, channel that energy into tracking your own growth.
Keep the promises you make to yourself - This is useful when (through self-awareness and introspection) you want to work towards a better version of yourself. If you say you'll go for a morning walk, do it. If you promise yourself you'll take that class, sign up. Each time you follow through, you're telling yourself “I am someone who can be counted on.” This builds a foundation of self-trust that allows you to grow into the person you want to be.
Moving Forward: Your Journey to Authenticity
Remember, being unapologetically yourself isn't a destination – it's a daily practice and process. Some days you'll feel bulletproof in your authenticity, others you'll want to hide under the covers. Some days, you’ll feel like you know exactly who you are. Other days, you’ll realize that there are parts of you that are still waiting to be uncovered/transformed. All of that is fine.
One of the best parts? Being yourself isn't just about you. It's about giving others permission to be themselves too. Every time you show up authentically, you create a little more space in the world for genuine human connection.
So start small. Start where you are. But most importantly, start knowing that your authentic self isn't something that needs fixing or polishing – it's already whole, already worthy, already enough.
You just need to let it shine.
